Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Wife Inheritance



Cultural Norm – Wife inheritance

When I first heard about wife inheritance, I was flabbergasted to say the least. Apparently this is a practice that still continues even in the 21st century. When your husband dies, a family member most often the brother will take the wife in as his. Like really? Where as a society did we fail?
I would like to meet that elder who came up with this preposterous rule. Did he look at his brother’s wife and think, “Damn she is beautiful, maybe when my brother dies she can be mine”? Was he sitting under a mango tree sipping on some local brew when he decided to pass this law? Women in our society have been looked down upon since time immemorial. 

In the yesteryears, more women were stay at home mothers who depended on their husbands for provision. When the husband died, the women had no option but to move in with whomever the clan deemed fit for them and they would live happily ever after….or so I think. This type of bigotry is one I am glad more women are shunning away from.
As much as this practice has received a lot of criticism, it still continues in many parts of the world…which takes me back to that old man sitting under the mango tree or perhaps it was an apple tree. Let us stick to the mango tree. Which lemons had life handed this old man and his counsel? I am a wife and a mother, if anything was to happen to my husband - touch wood -, I would like to have the opportunity to decide what I want to happen to me or my children. I might want to re-marry, or maybe decide marriage is not for me and I want to live my days out as a single parent. The choice should be mine, period.

There should be laws that prohibit wife inheritance and/or forced marriage. Women living in these regions where this cultural practice is norm, should be sensitized to what is morally acceptable and what their rights are. These women should be told that it is ok to say no, it is ok to pack up your bags and your children’s bags and leave. They should be told that they cannot be forced to marry someone they do not want to just because their culture permits it. That because their parents or their grandparents or great-grandparents conformed to this rules, that does not mean they should do the same. In this era of disease, promiscuity is not an option.

Women should be equal to men, or at least have almost as many decision making opportunities as men. Why is it a man can have up to four wives, but for a woman that is not “morally acceptable”. Why can’t a woman inherit a husband once the wife dies? This is because the society we live in is biased. Who am I to complain? Well my husband has three brothers, so who will choose which brother will “inherit” me? This is absurd to say the least.
To that old man and your counsel, this might sound cliché, but we will not rest until all women have the same privileges and opportunities as men. We say no to wife inheritance. 

Drops mic.

Friday, May 8, 2015

The Afterlife

I have been consumed by this life, so much so that writing on this blog became an after thought. As i said in one of my previous blogs, it seems i write best when i am at my lowest, and indeed this is the lowest i have ever been. It is not about a failed relationship or a broken heart, but about a lost love - my baby sister. My beloved, she breathed her last on April 6th 2015 she was 29 years old. This life...

 So i am left with so many questions on death..a beautiful soul gone way too soon. When this life is through where do we go, where has nana gone? i know where we placed her body,but is her spirit still here...does she still interact with us..sigh. Life does not make sense to me right now, i have been living in a bubble trying to make sense of the 'hows' and 'whys'. This transition in my life is not one i ever wanted to come or endure. My only sister, 30 years of memories is all i have left...but is that enough..I would trade my soul to have her back.

 It has got me questioning on whether there is life after death. Will i get to see her again...When my time comes will i be ready...will my family be ready to let me go or will it suprise them just as nanas passing has suprised us. Oh death where is your sting..Why are we born so we may eventually die? 

This world is not our home, we are all but passing by,but the pain, devastation, despair that death brings on its toll is unexplainable. it cuts so deep.

 The sharp knife of a short life.

 I will see you again nana...in the afterlife...whatever that means.


Friday, January 25, 2013

I cant find the right words.

I am a product of my past but not its hostage. I am happier than i have been in a very long time,a man who loves and appreciates me, a son (2yrs old now) who brings nothing but copious amounts of joy and laughter into my life. Not everything has turned out how i hoped it would...well, i guess that's what transitioning is all about. I believe everything will be alright in the end, if it is not alright, its definitely not the end - word! I have learned to smile, because i know i don't own all the problems in the world and life has been kind to me. I have made mistakes, man is to err...i am not perfect. one thing i do know is that life is short,make the most of what you have..love the people who treat you right...forgive those who don't...and be happy. God will not take you to what he will not take you through.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Sio kama mapenzi ya kawaida (No ordinary Love)

Indeed, this is no ordinary love. Where do i even begin...

J, my son is now 14months old. Unbelievable but true. Oh how far we have come, and i thank God for everything. My sweet love Jason is the apple of my eye, a joy to everyone he meets and quite the charmer :)

Being a mother has changed me in so many ways...for the better, and there is no going back. The little hugs and kisses that J gives me, no words can describe the emotion that i feel. Here i am before a love that changes me, a love so true.

Sometimes (OK more often than i care to mention) i stay awake and watch him sleep....soundly..peacefully..oblivious to the world around him. He knows he is safe and he knows i will always be there when he wakes up.

I cry because i am happy, and because i know i have been blessed. When Jason is old enough,maybe he will get to read my blog :) then he will see just how much mummy loves him. I love you baba. xoxo

Monday, July 18, 2011

Not easily broken.

i have lots of words that i could put here,
Heavy words,
but i cant get my hands to type those words,
they are words i wish i could speak out....

Lies and deceit,
love and trust,
I have seen it all,
And you always try to break me....

I am a strong woman,
Life has taught me well,
Im just here to say,
I am NOT EASILY BROKEN....

And it only gets better..

If i said it had been a while since i blogged, that would be an understatement...My son Jason is now 7 months old...a big handsome boy..a boy who has brought nothing but lots of joy and laughter to my life. This 7 months have surely flown by and i love him even more everyday. You never know how much love you have in you until you get a child,and how i feel about him cannot even be put into words.

I cannot even begin to fathom how my life was before he was born,when he smiles and laughs with me,i know that this is the real deal. I have raised him right,and i pray for Gods guidance in this journey as he continues to grow. My heart smiles when i think of him, and when he tags and pulls my hair i know it love...when he bites me(he is teething)i still know it is love....this love is no ordinary love..

This journey is one i am looking forward to taking with my son, with Jason. We are not promised tomorrow, so for today and every other day that we have i will love u Jason and i will always take care of you...that is a promise. I love you

Sunday, November 7, 2010

lap of honour..

If i had to do it all again..i wouldnt take away the pain coz i know it made me who i am. Whirlwind of adventure...??would that even do justice to what i have experienced the last 35 weeks..? Probably not...I have 5 more weeks to go before jason is introduced to this world :-) there have been lots of tears,lots of unending laughter and joy...lots of time spent alone,lots of times when i questioned Gods will in my life. Many a time i have found myself deep in thought,wondering if i believed in transition really being a part of my life. Now my only reason for living seems to be the child inside of me.the one i have carried for 35 weeks so far..the best 35 weeks of my life.The bell has rung for the final lap of this race. The finish line doesnt seem too far away...my strides become longer but the pace remains the same. Nimetoka mbali...and the scars remind me just how real the past is. As i feel my baby kick and turn inside me..i realize that this is just the beginning.the last 26years of my life have just been a rehersal gearing me up for this great moment...to be a mother,and im sure that is the most gratifying feeling. There are things i wish that were different..like having someone to come home to..but that is for another day. I have fought a good fight,i have finished the race,i have kept the faith....Now for the lap of honour....xx

Saturday, July 31, 2010

letter to my unborn child

..Dear son,this have been the greatest months of my life and i believe they will only get better.since the day when i found out i was expecting you right until now my life has been changed in more ways than one. I want you to know you have a loving mother who will always be by your side no matter what. From the day i will first hold you in my arms to the day you take your first steps to your first day in school...all through your life and thats a promise. There will be obstacles in life and that will only make you better and stronger...never give up despite the hurdles life will throw your way..life is too short anyway.Mummy will always be there for you when u need that shoulder to lean on,when you need a friend...i will be that person you should come to when you meet that girl that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Treat all women with dignity and respect, and stay true to one woman always..it will definately be worth it in the end.My son..my son...oh how i love the sound of that. I hope i will be there to watch you grow to the fine young man i know you will become. Work hard because nothing good comes easy.Lastly and most importantly trust in the lord and you will never go wrong,he will guide you and show you the right path that you should follow..seek refuge in him. When i will not be able to be with you..trust and believe that God is standing in the gap for me. Love you son. Now and forever. Xoxo

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

jason

Jason....its been a really long time since i blogged. And for a good reason all the same.as i have said in my previous blogs transition is just but a part of our lives.With God all things are possible..because only God knows what iv been through and the far he has brought me.First and foremost..iv been blessed with the greatest blessing that could be given to man.i am expecting my first baby and this feeling is beyond words.as i watch my son growing each passing day i am fillled with a love that surpasses all human understanding. That love of a mother to her child. I am 20weeks pregnant now,and for sure its not been a smooth ride.1st couple of months were filled with horrible morning sickness but it gets better and its def all worth it.Jason is the name my partner and i have decided to name our baby. Now to my partner,a wonderful man indeed...words would not do him justice. Only thing is he works outside the country and he is gone for 2months on end. Its not easy because im alone most of the time...and i feel like i am doing it all by myself..which does get hard.but work has to be done if we want food on the table.sacrifices we have to make.....I am glad though that this life has chosen me.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Papa nat

Wow...bliss..im in heaven right now...so totally filled with glee...so in love. The kind of love i am getting has never felt more real...im basking in love. I am glowing,i am content...the heavens must be smiling down on me...coz this are the happiest days of my life n they could only get better...been through the fire n i only emerged the victor..my heart wants to explode with the tonnes of love i am feeling for my man. He is my everything,my bestfriend, my lover, my all...I thank God for that day i met him...the day he entrapped my heart body and soul :-).
I must have done something right in this good life to get a man as good as the one i have...never have i felt contentment beyond words, a love so true...tranquility,serenity...i love you...papa nat.